Man in his Pyjamas A collection of comedy writing, poetry and Asperger Syndrome.

The unprincipled loading of the dishwasher

My wife loads the dishwasher like a drunken mental patient. One would be forgiven for thinking that she stands at the bottom of the garden and shot-puts the spoons in from there. That she drunkenly bowls the plates in overarm. After my betrothed has drop kicked all the tea things in, Read more →

Ma soapy watnot!

My 5-year old daughter won’t stop staring at my man junk when I’m in the shower and it’s PROPERLY weirding me out. She’s just so blasé about it for God’s sake! Everywhere my Rodger goes, she’s sure to promptly follow. She’s like the Mona Lisa of nob monitoring. I feel Read more →

Horror Sphinx – a bed hopping nightmare

Bed hopping is a regular occurrence in our house. We have three young children and often in the wee small hours at least one of them will decamp from their own bed into another. It’s par for the parental course. Luckily for me, on most occasions, the children are on the hunt Read more →

I hereby resolve

I’ve never really been one for making resolutions on January 1st, as I tend to resolve quite a lot during the year anyways. Often I stop drinking alcohol for extended periods of time or engage in sporadic health kicks as a result of an unexpected glimpse of my girth in Read more →


I have three young children, who are all wonderful, let me hastily start by saying that. They are wonderful, wonderful little gits.  I also have a wonderful wife, who is wonderful. Everything is wonderful. Except for one minor/major issue. They are all so goddamn NOISY. Oh my DAYS they make SO much NOISE. Read more →


One does not set out to be a complete nob head, one just is a complete nob head. It’s a natural state of being. The situation itself, in which one is a nob head, is largely irrelevant. The seasoned, season-card-holder of all things nobacious, can generally do his or her thang, regardless Read more →

Bloody Matthew

After three bottles of ale mid-week, it appears I agreed to take my daughter to her dance class on Saturday morning, so that my wife could attend a thoughtlessly booked hair appointment. I think I may have been set up? A faux-double booking, to foster me leaving the house and attempting to Read more →

Choosing him

It is no secret that I will avoid most human interaction, if at all possible. It’s not that I don’t like people per say, rather that I find human interaction somewhat bothersome, and thus would much prefer to spontaneously burst my appendix than talk. Despite Bob’s ascertains, it is not good, it’s hard. Read more →


There are two things I like about hats.  In order, they are: 1. The way they feel 2. The way they look This is my yang. There are also, as it happens, two things I dislike about hats. In order, they are: 1. Other people 2. Other people This is Read more →

The Russian Lady

My wife had made the appointment for me whilst I was at work.  She does lots of things for me whilst I am at work, such as making a mess of the house, changing the settings on my sound system and spending all of my money. Moving forward, she will most likely take Read more →

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