Man in his Pyjamas A collection of comedy writing, poetry and spoken word.

Deep breaths and muttering

So it goes a little something like this….

I DO NOT want to buy an electric lawn mower, as I have an ethically and morally superior hand push affair that makes me feel all holy; but  I secretly borrow (and use) a friends mower because it cuts my grass all pretty like and I like pretty grass.

Earlier today:

(A telephone rings)

Me:  Can I borrow your lawn mower for an hour?
Mate: Yeah sure – come get it.
Me: Cheers – on my way.

A trip around to my mates and 3 foot of cut lawn later…….

fblawnmower
A stupid, stupid man takes a machine he knows nothing about apart to try and fix it.

Later on the same day:

(A doorbell rings)

Mate’s wife: Oh – hello.
Me: I’ve broken your lawn mower.
Mate’s wife: Oh
Me: I’ll buy you another tomorrow when I go to buy myself one.

The moral of the story is:

If you really don’t want to buy a lawnmower and try to avoid doing so, you will be kicked in the metaphorical nuts and forced to buy two.

Amen

6 Thoughts on “Deep breaths and muttering

  1. That is such a lush lawn. The shag rating would be very high.

  2. I have a spare, old-fashioned, nothing-to-go-wrong push mower you can try and break if you like…

  3. Anonymous Anonymous on July 25, 2012 at 09:24 said:

    maybe this will teach you to be less anal about your newly sown lawn

  4. Feel free to test it out. When I'm out. And wash it after.

  5. I have bought a beauty! x2

  6. It will not. You would think it would…but it will not. I am a complicated affair.

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