Man in his Pyjamas A collection of comedy writing, poetry and spoken word.

To gift or not to gift, that is the question?

Today I called upon the kind lady who baby sat my Bonsai whilst I was away on holiday. It only occurred to me as I walked home, pushing two children in the pushchair whilst balancing a tiny tree aloft, that I perhaps should have bought her a ‘thank you for looking after my Bonsai while I was away’ gift?  What would one buy for such an occasion?  Would one buy a gift for such an occasion? I didn’t.  Faux pas?

In a similar ‘what has my life become’ kind of moment, today I have opened a savings account for a cat.  Seriously.  A cat.

Back to the thank you gifts. Whilst we were away, we had a total of 3 people looking after our financially savvy cat. So in effect, over our holidays, we had 4 staff. This alarmed me somewhat when I realised this, as I have no idea what-so-ever whether any of my employees are eligible to work in this country, have National Insurance numbers, CRB’s or are even appropriately qualified to fulfil the roles bestowed upon them.  But as I’m not paying them (I only pay the cat) I guess that is by-the-by.  SO.  If I’m not paying them, should I reward them with a thank you gift?

Bonsai Lady got nothing as I’ve said, but actually, I dropped Joey off (the Bonsai is called Joey) and picked Joey up, so all she really did was water him delicately and lovingly for 9 days. Or so I thought. She told me today upon collection that actually she had just held him under the tap, whilst straining her neck to carry on watching the Olympics on the TV in lounge.  Outrageous.  If I did have a gift secreted about my person to produce appropriately, it would have stayed secreted. Under the tap indeed. If it wasn’t for the fact that she actually bought me the Bonsai in the first place, and if her boyfriend wasn’t  the one that named it Joey (apparently he calls everything Joey – trees/fish/people/places/her – must be super confusing, particularly during intimate moments) I could have mustered up my offended face. So. No gift Bonsai Lady. Accidental but appropriate I feel.

Out of the 3 cat sitters, 2 were family members staying in my house, sitting on my couch, looking at my walls, using my water/electric/gas, drinking from my cups, opening and closing my doors – I could go on, but we know where this is going.  No gift. You were there anyway. (But thank you for the whisky).

The last person on my non-payroll fed the cat for a week. Twice a day. Come rain or shine. Day and night. Big ask huh? So I got him a gift right? Wrong. We both have cats, so we reciprocate cat care. But, my cat is an easy cat. As well as having a savings account, he also has his own flap, meaning he can come and go as he pleases, and importantly, he can poo and wee wherever he wants, wherever the fancy takes him, but very importantly, not in my house so that my friend has to get down on his hands and glass knees to clear it up……

My friend’s cat, lets call him Tom (the cat not my friend) also has a cat flap, which he knows full well, unfortunately, so does the big ass Tom cat (no relation) that enters the premises of my friend’s house and redecorates, repeatedly, in pee. So my friend’s cat (still called Tom) has a litter tray that he can use whenever he feels like it and doesn’t use whenever he feels like it. Add to this Tom has a broken leg, needs regular medicine ‘pipetted’ into his food, is a super, super hider and will without hesitation scratch your face off, and I think you, the impartial reader, can see the imbalance. Result? No gift. In fact, I am considering submitting an itemised bill.  Gift indeed…..

So all in all. No gifts, but a hearty thanks.  Perhaps my cat will buy you a gift next time – with 3.05% on his savings and instant access with no penalties, I think I’d insist if I were you.

9 Thoughts on “To gift or not to gift, that is the question?

  1. Anonymous Anonymous on August 7, 2012 at 19:20 said:

    Poor joey!

  2. Anonymous Anonymous on August 7, 2012 at 20:49 said:

    Think you mean 'secreted' not 'seconded' Mr Hudson!

  3. Anonymous Anonymous on August 21, 2012 at 10:52 said:

    That's who I thought it was!!!!

  4. Anonymous Anonymous on August 21, 2012 at 13:53 said:

    Tres bien! Je suis en vacances en France ou il fait tres chaud. Maintenant votre blog est internationale.

  5. He's okay. He survived me accidentally watering him with diluted vinegar the week before, so I'm he'll handle a casual 'tapping'.

  6. Indeed. Duly amended – thank you. I need an Editor and an education….

  7. Anonymous Anonymous on August 24, 2012 at 22:12 said:

    HONESTLY!!! It's the only person it could have ever been…after me of course. ;-)

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