There comes a time in every man’s life when he must face his fears. A time when he must dig deep and muster the courage to stand-up and be counted. In short, there comes a time when a man must be a man. My time is nigh. Tomorrow is my time.
Tomorrow, my wife (the actor) leaves our happy home for two days on a ‘shoot’ meaning (and I can barely muster up the cahoonas to type this next part) Daddy is in charge. Daddy is looking after the children on his own. Daddy is number one, the boss, the head honcho.
Daddy, to put it bluntly, is *******.
I’m not sure who is more frightened by this unfortunate turn of events – her, them, or me? Well I am, it’s me, although Wifey comes in a close second. The kids bless ’em are too young and inexperienced to fully comprehend the magnitude of the situation. They are too wrapped up in being annoying and smelly to fully understand (and even care) that they are being left in the charge of a man who shouldn’t even be left in charge of himself. It pains me to write that last bit, but it’s true, ask my wife. I’m not cut out for this sort of thing.
At heart I am a Victorian gentleman who cares to see his children briefly when he comes home from work. To have them stood at the foot of the stairs in their Sunday best; to have them wish their papa a pleasant evening; and then to have them disappear with Cook into the kitchen to be fed and entertained until they are unconscious (I have no problem with unscrupulous methods being used to bring about the latter, in fact if I ever meet Mr Calpol, I may kiss him square on the lips and profess undying love).
They say tomorrow never comes, but no matter how much I wish it were true, tomorrow will come for me. Tomorrow I shall spend the day frantically running around trying to please two screaming horror bottoms. Trying desperately to give them the impression that I know what I am doing, that I can in fact be trusted with their safety and diets, and that ultimately, all is well. Tomorrow they will not be the only ones whining ‘I want Mummy’.
Tomorrow is day one. This is part one. I suspect there will be more parts to follow.