One does not set out to be a complete nob head, one just is a complete nob head. It’s a natural state of being. The situation itself, in which one is a nob head, is largely irrelevant. The seasoned, season-card-holder of all things nobacious, can generally do his or her thang, regardless of the seemingly banal nature … [Read more…]

No time for maths

Friends that already had three children informed me that having three children was little different to having two. I say friends, they are now my sworn enemies because they are utter lying bugger-tards.  What a bunch of arse. Machiavellian. Bad Math. Don’t be swayed by them.  They lie to make your life as bad as theirs.  Ours. … [Read more…]

A good husband

A good husband has good intentions. This is how it went in my head………. I would spend time during the day preparing the meal by sourcing the ingredients from Aldi (my new Mecca) and revising the recipe. I would then start cooking said meal whilst my wife bathed our grimy, mud-kitchen-stained children. I would pop upstairs … [Read more…]

Three times a lady

For your delight today. The three times I have proposed to a woman. Put the kettle on, pull up a chair and settle down for the freak show… An evening in 1988 I was 15 years of age, but due to good genes and the late arrival of acne looked about 10. I was living … [Read more…]

Man vs. Wife

I have long been derided by my wife for a particular penchant handed down to me by my step-father. Derided and feared. In the cold light of day she rolls her eyes and labels me macabre. By the pale moonlight of night, she looks nervous, will only consume food or drink that she has prepared … [Read more…]

There’s somebody at the door.

There was a knock at the door. I ignored it. It’s my door. S’up? There were more knocks. Knocks that refused to be ignored. There’s somebody at the door then.. I called to Wifey who seemed to have forgotten our system? Our system is pretty straightforward for heavens sake.  Let’s go over it one more … [Read more…]

How to replace double glazing (ish)

Now if you do actually intend to replace double glazing units, this blog is perhaps not the best place to begin your journey.  Might I suggest that you take the advice of Steven K Sanderson at I did. I spent the best £9.97 I have ever spent on Steven’s advice. Previously (to this post) … [Read more…]

A horizontal Christmas.

So I finally had the operation. Exploratory knee surgery resulting in a meniscus repair. After six long weeks of being in pain and on crutches, I was delighted to regain conciousness and discover that I was in the first stages of hyperthermia and would be on crutches for another six weeks – at least. Oh … [Read more…]

The dream, her immediate reaction, and her reaction sixteen and a half hours later.

The dream. I cannot remember the dream in it’s entirety, however the main thrust is that I was dying. Not dying as being diagnosed with something dreadful, and spending ones time sorting affairs and saying goodbye.  Dying as in, lying down, struggling to breathe, and trying very hard not to die. As you do.  I expect. This … [Read more…]

Dickens had kids right?

I shall admit right off the bat that I have never read A Tale of Two Cities* and to be honest, I probably never will. However my literary inadequacies aside, I am going to assume that ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…‘ was written about the trials and tribulations of travelling and … [Read more…]