Royal Mail


Is it valuable or urgent?

And if so how so?

Is it essential it’s received?

I.e. does it really need to go?

Would the recipient notice if it went astray?

Would you be happy with delivery three weeks today?

Ok a month

But that’s definitely the most

Of course that’s only 1st class post

We could send it 2nd if you’d prefer?

Reducing the cost you would incur

And with 2nd we can absolutely guarantee

Your letter would arrive within 3

Years of yesterday’s date

But if you feel that that’s a smidgen late

There’s recorded delivery, but we can’t be sure

It will actually reach the intended door

It’s an awfully long way from here to there

It’s quite a big job and we just don’t care


To get the signature and hand over the mail

Most of our chaps are fresh out of jail

And to be frank

(Please forgive the pun)

A lot of your post is stolen.

So if you want my advice go for the best

Special Delivery Post

We shall not rest

Until your parcel reaches its destination


Any location.

Now the size is important and the weight more so

I could quote you now

If you’d like to know?

Perhaps a Post Office loan could help with the cost?

You’re paying for the promise that it won’t get lost

And we won’t nick it, we shall not fail

We’re here to serve

We’re the Royal Mail.

© 2014. Man in his pyjamas. All rights reserved.